Updated: Jan 11, 2019
By Brandon Alter:
If you're a human being, you're going to want things. Consider how many things you want throughout the course of the day. You want nourishment, connection, satisfaction, validation—the list goes on and on. And don't get me wrong, it's completely normal to have a strong appetite for desire. It is good to want things. It is important to want things. But it is also very hard to want things.
When you admit that you want something, you make yourself very vulnerable, because there is a good chance you will not get it. Which is why we get very quiet about what we want—to avoid the heartbreak. It took me years to be able to claim what I wanted out loud. Even in a safe space, like my therapist's office, it was hard for me to voice my wants. I felt silly, unmasked, desperate. And yet we cannot have what we do not claim. So I try, every day, to speak up about the things I want. The more I talk about my dreams, the more energy I give to them. The more energy I give them, the sooner they come to fruition.
But you know what's even more challenging than all of that? You know what's harder than owning what you want or not getting what you? FIGURING OUT WTF YOU REALLY WANT.
Like for real. That shit is not easy. Knowing what you really want is complicated. So many of the things we think we want have been heaped upon us by society or by our upbringing. Or we want things to please our parents, or make our grandparents proud. And those are understandable sentiments, but they are wrong. Because your parents and grandparents get their own lives to do with as they please. So you're wasting your time trying to manifest someone else's wants. Oof gurl, how often have we been there?
Those false wants are insidious and not easy to shed. I have seen false wants drive people's ENTIRE LIVES. So how do we get in touch with our deepest, most authentic wants? We listen to our heart. It's that simple. Our heart knows our deepest needs and it can help us connect to them. If we are unclear about what we want, it is because our mind has gotten overly involved.