By Joe Florance:
Dr. Ian Malcolm warned us all when he said (and I paraphrase),
"Just because you could, doesn't mean you should."
But they did, and dinosaurs were all over that Jurassic Park, weren't they?
No one ever listens.
Since that film came out, none of us have an excuse.
What about everyone before that film?
The Bible gave us a similar warning when Paul countered the phrase"Everything is permissible for me" with the caveat "But not everything is beneficial."
So no one has an excuse.
Was this quote in the Bible about dinosaurs? Of course it was.
Do you see any dinosaurs in the Bible?
What about the Leviathan or the Behemoth? Weren't they dinosaurs?
Uh, ok. Fine. Yes. They are in there. Dinosaurs everywhere.
But what I'm saying is that if the ancient world had a way of making more Behemoths or Leviathans, should they do so because they could do so? No so, Dr. Seuss. No so. With all these warnings from antiquity and modern pop culture, I promise that if ever I have the power to do something I will think about it, Uncle Ben. I will recognize that with great power comes great responsibility. You see! Listen to your fake elders like Uncle Ben.
I just looked this up: Uncle Ben's rice was founded in 1943, and Uncle Ben, Peter Parker's sage uncle, first appeared in the comics in 1962.
Is there a connection?
Was Stan Lee eating a plate of Uncle Ben's rice in between writing sessions for his new comic?
Could it be?
Uh, ok. Fine. Yes. The rice company, Uncle Ben's, inspired the creation of Uncle Ben, Peter Parker's conscience.
But what I'm saying is . . . Pinocchio came out in 1940, and Stan Lee was 18 at the time. He obviously saw it. Duh.
Did Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio's conscience, influence Stan Lee to give one of his future characters a conscience after a rice-induced food coma?
Uh, ok. Fine. Yes. Twenty-two years after Stan Lee watched Pinocchio, he was eating a plate of rice and it hit him: give Peter a conscience and name him Jimmy (takes a bite of rice). Maybe he sees the Uncle Ben's box (too obvious). Ben. Uncle Ben . . . (another bite of rice).
But what I'm saying is that if you can do something, you should weigh all the factors first. Give it a beat or two. Hit up the brain trust and see what feedback you get and then, after weighing it all, move forward.
That takes WAY too long. And it takes out all the fun. For if people waited, thought long and hard, asked for advice, read the writing on the wall (more Bible?), then we would never have "Mr. Roboto."
That's right. As in "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Domo, domo. Domo, domo."
That Mr. Roboto.
The song from the album KILROY WAS HERE by Styx.
Released in 1983, it's a song that makes zero sense at all when one takes a look at the previous hits from the hard-rockin' and power-balladin' Styx.
Styx is not the group that makes "Mr. Roboto."
Oh, but it is! And it was a huge hit! Number 3 on the Billboard charts!
Many die-hard Styx fans were piyxed (pissed) with this departure from their traditional stylings.
How did Dennis DeYoung even think of this?
It has to do with censorship.
I'm talking about the title itself: "Mr. Roboto"? Roboto? Not Robot but Roboto, and what's with the "domo arigato"?
Was Styx front man Dennis DeYoung leaving a sushi place in his hometown of Chicago and upon hearing "domo arigato" from the sushi chefs as a reflex follow it with "Mr. Roboto"?!?
As he chuckled with this phrase, did he notice a piece of rice in his teeth, which led him to wonder if sushi restaurants used Uncle Ben's rice?!?
Uh, ok. Fine. Yes. Dennis DeYoung's brain conflated the use of Uncle Ben's rice at a sushi restaurant with the creation of a robotic conscience named Mr. Roboto that rhymes with domo arigato, whose primary function is to fight censorship.
But what I'm saying is, it's all connected, people!
Uh, ok. Fine. TWIST!
I LOVE MR. ROBOTO! Always have!
Weigh things, give beats, brain trust?
Screw it and do it, baby!
I'm in, and what do you know so-called Dr. Ian Malcolm?
If I had the know how and the funding to create dinosaurs from ancient dino DNA found in mosquito stomachs I would so do it and just make bigger fences so that disenchanted computer nerds couldn't hack into them. Problem solved!
Thank you, Kiss, for "I Was Made For Loving You"!
Thank you, Starship, for "We Built this City"!
The Ian Malcolms of the world are covered in hater jelly.
It's a bad look, Ian.
Joe Florance owns and operates Circle of 10 Talent. He encourages people to pursue their dreams, and helping them do that fulfills his own.