Plantastic: Fast Like Bunny

Updated: Jul 10, 2019

By Anne Trominski:

There are some hard truths of life that we, as adults, must face and come to terms with. So, I’m not going to sugarcoat this, but hope that wherever you are on your own personal plant-based journey, you’ll be able to cope with the following harsh reality:


BABY CARROTS ARE A LIE!


There isn’t a miniature farm somewhere tended by a petite agriculturalist who lovingly harvests immature carrots with an adorably small hoe. Vegetable companies just take the big carrots and cut them into smaller pieces! The carrots that come in the baby carrot bag are in no way significantly younger than those big ugly carrots in the other bag! They’re just cleaner! It’s all lies!


In fact, it’s kind of an insult! It’s like the vegetable industry is saying, “Yeah, we know you’re super lazy about peeling carrots. Here! Here are your pre-prepped carrots, you big baby!” Because really, couldn’t we be peeling and cutting our own carrots? And why are we buying carrots in plastic bags at stores? We should be buying them at farmer’s markets in handwoven carryalls from local growers! Or better yet, grow our own! Then we know they aren’t grown with pesticides! We’ll plant them next to our new kale harvest and turnip row! We’ll never buy mega-liar-vegetable-pants-on-fire-conglomerate’s distorted veg again! What’s stopping our dream of baby carrots?!


Um. Well. Reality.


Because what do the bag of baby carrots really represent? Well, despite shattering delightful daydreams of Mama Rabbit only selecting youthful plants to feed her hungry baby bunnies, it means . . . well, not much at all. The carrot nutrients stay the same whether you peel them yourself or a mega-big-liar-vegetable company does it for you. In fact, you probably eat more carrots because all you have to do is open the bag and they are good to go. So, the baby carrots represent . . . you eating more carrots.


Yes, in an ideal world we’d all spend our weekends buying organic local vegetables that we would clean and chop as we meal prep for the rest of the week while listening to NPR news and taking breaks to do lunges before dashing off on our steam bicycles to teach yoga to underprivileged bunny youth who only munch on neophyte veggies, but . . . nobody lives in that realm of being. That world is empty. (Except for all the adorable bunnies with their tiny cabbages.) The world we live in has jobs and errands and other people who want to eat dinner before 9:00 p.m. And in this world, the easiest and fastest food that everyone can obtain is French-cut fried potatoes.


Thank goodness for baby carrots.


Oh, and let’s also spread some gratitude for pre-washed grape tomatoes. Oh, and lest we forget the package of sliced baby bellas! You heat a frying pan to medium, remove some cling-wrap, twist your wrist, and BAM, you’re cooking! Bags of pre-washed salad, pre-cut jicama, slawed broccoli—these are a few of my favorite things! And that’s just in the produce section!


In the frozen section, not only are the vegetables cleaned and cut for you, they are frozen so you can keep them for, I don’t know, like months and they won’t go bad! Not only that, several of the mega-vegetable companies produce these things call steamer bags. You can take the frozen bag of broccoli out of the freezer and put it straight into your microwave, and five minutes later you’ve got edible food. That’s a lot faster than pizza delivery. Shelled edamame, riced cauliflower, and sprialized zucchini