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Dear Dr. Rob: Should I Fake It to Fit In?

By Dr. Rob Carpenter:

I know you want to be liked. To be accepted. To fit in. To feel like you belong and can be understood and protected by others who “get you.” And no matter how old you get, you will never outgrow this. Nor should you.

But the desire to fit in can be taken to extremes. And when it is, it can be detrimental to not only your mental and emotional health but also to your purpose and destiny in life.

When you try to fit in—and when you try to do it by becoming somebody you’re not—you are rejecting the best part of you: namely your authenticity, your originality, the reason you were sent here to grow and make a difference in the world.

But even if you agree with this—and you likely do because you wouldn’t be asking the question if you didn’t—being YOU can be difficult. It can be difficult because society makes it difficult. Friends and family and coworkers make it difficult. The system itself makes it difficult.

Nevertheless, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be mastered. Many millions of people have proven with their lives that you can break free from the need to fit in. And they’ve proven that you can break free from the fear of being rejected if you don’t simply go along with the crowd.

The reality is that no matter who you are, you will be faced with the choice of fitting in all of your life or being who you want to be—who you’re called to be. Most people never embrace who they truly are. You don’t have to be most people. You only have to be you.

Even though some people will reject you for being you—and this may sting—other people will embrace you. The real you, not the pretend you. Not the old, insecure you looking for validation, but the you that feels most alive, most real.

Stop trying to fit in and become comfortable with potentially being rejected by some people so that you can finally be embraced by others who want to support the most authentic you.

Because when you do, you will stop fearing rejection, you will stop bringing unnecessary mental and emotional anxiety by fearing being “caught” pretending to be somebody you’re not. You will stop putting your purpose on hold because other people are trying to make you live somebody else’s purpose.


Dr. Rob is an author, filmmaker, and host of The Dr. Rob Show. He advises celebrities, pro athletes, and everyday people on how to live their best lives and has been published in The Oxford Business Review and The Harvard Journal for Public Health, among others. His book, The 48 Laws of Happiness: Secrets Revealed For Becoming the Happiest You, is available where books are sold.

Read our interview with Dr. Rob here!

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